Hello February!
February 4th, 2010I’ve got so much going on in my head right now.
I guess the biggest news that’s been taking up a significant amount of time recently is the decision between my boyfriend and I to finally take that plunge and move in together. 
We’ve been together for just under 3 years and travelling back and forth on weekends, living out of my purse and doing twice the amount of housework is almost at an end. I’m pretty excited about it of course, but honesty forces me to admit that I’m a little nervous too.
My partner and I have had our shares of good times and not so good times. We’re very different people in terms of our views, how we see things, and we’ve grown together over the years with a very solid foundation. So I think we’re ready and the timing is just right.
Things that worry me? Oh, all the things that anyone worries about when you move in with your partner. Will we fight about money? House work? Space? Will our intimacy drift away? Will the time we “make” for each other now be replaced with the time that we just both happen to be home?
That last one worries me the most. When you live apart, the only time you see said person is when one or both makes an effort. But when you co-habit a space, and you happen to be home together a lot, it’s easy to forget to make that effort. But the effort is the most important thing to me.
I’ve had this experience before (dated a nice fellow 5 years, lived together for three of them), and even though the love was still there, by the end of it, we were more like room mates. And this isn’t unique to me, I’ve met quite a few woman who have shared similar experiences.
I guess like anything in life, it’s about finding the balance and keeping it.
Everything in life is a learning process, and so there are somethings that I will insist upon now.
1. Doing dishes together. Men (for the most part, no offense) will never voluntarily do the dishes. We might hope that piling them by the sink will prompt them to think, oh maybe it’s my turn, but in the end, you just have dishes that are that much harder to clean. Team Effort! Andy and I have a great system now where we do them together always, I wash, he dries. I think this logic can be extended to house hold tasks in general. Anything is easier when two people help. Right?
2. Try to go to bed at the same time, at least some of the time. (if you can, work permitting etc). For me, this is important in maintaining intimacy. It’s nice to fall asleep with said person, and i think, adds to the closeness you have together. There are always going to be nights where one might want to stay up later than the other, and that’s ok, but keep it in balance with sleeping together at the same time. When you live apart, it’s natural to go to bed at the same time, since it might be weird to stay up at his/her house w/o them. But this kinda changes when you co-habit a space, at least for me since I’m a closet night owl.
3. I will not do your laundry.
When I was thinking about this subject this morning, i had a few more things floating around my head but now that I’m here, I can’t really think of them.
Oh yah.
4. I don’t want to decide what we have for dinner every night of the week. This should be a back and forth shared process. Even now, Andy and I sometimes bicker because neither of us want to make a decision on what to eat.
What are things you’ve learned and/or insist on when living with your significant other?
PS. LOST WAS SO AWESOME. 
February 4th, 2010 at 5:02 pm
This is an exciting step for you guys.
It’s scary and nice at the same time. Well, my advice/two cents:
1. If you’re worried about fighting over money, set up a budget. Tally everything you spend together (utilities, rent, groceries, eating out, dates, everything), and divide it up into a per paycheck number for each of you. Then, every paycheck set that amount aside in a separate account meant just for bills. Anything left over each paycheck is the respective person’s “play money” for their own needs/wants (or any specific to that person bills, like a credit card or something). Personally, we find it easier if one person is in charge of paying the bills (me). That way there is no “did you pay the x bill, or do I need to?” If you don’t want to do that, than you can write on a calendar what you paid when. Probably a good idea if only one person writes the checks (or have everything be automatically deducted, but I found that to mess up my check register).
2. My husband and I don’t do this (but probably should). But if you’re worried about making decisions about what to eat every night, than try setting up a meal schedule. Plan out all the meals you enjoy making at home and write out what you’re having on any given day either a week in advance, or a month even. That way, you decide together all at once, and when you do groceries, you know exactly what to buy ahead of time. Then when you’re tired from work neither of you have to decide, it’s already been determined AND you have the ingredients in the kitchen
You can even plan out which days you’re going to go out to eat together. When you can’t decide where to go, you could always draw a restaurant name from a hat and go there, and don’t put the name in until the hat (or jar) is empty.
3. Defiantly still plan date nights together. It’s easy to get into a rut of you each doing your own thing. You’re physically together, but both absorbed in something else, solitary. My husband and I watch TV shows on DVDs together, we’re able to set aside everything else, cuddle up together and just watch shows we like for a little while before bed.
The most important thing is communication. Little things can turn into big things quickly. If you’re open about things that bother you (must he really leave his dirty socks stuffed IN the couch?) than there’s that much less of a chance for a fight. In the end, it also opens up your eyes to where you can improve your own faults (okay, maybe I really don’t need to turn off every light in the house before going to bed, if he’s still up).
You can use these same methods with chores. You can rotate who’s responsible for what, or you can designate jobs. (I’ll do the dishes, but you’re taking out the trash). It’s a lot of give and take at first as you each feel the other out and you learn all the little details that you’ve hidden from everyone else in the world. But it is exciting to have that much trust from someone.
But I think you have the right mindset going into this, you recognize that your relationship is a work in progress that takes effort to keep strong. I think you’ll do great, but I’m no expert
Amanda´s last blog ..Goodbye Old Friend
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Thanks for all the tips!! I think we’ll be ok too
(socks in the couch would drive me crazy too!)
Christine´s last blog ..Hello February!
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February 5th, 2010 at 7:06 am
I def agree about the budget. For spending money we each get $20 out of our checks and the rest goes toward the general fund that pays bills, groceries, etc. All extras go into our savings. 50% in our joint, and 25% in each of our savings. But then again, we’re married and I handle all our money so that is what works for us.
Also, I think your #1 and #2 are really important. We try to do that too.
And one thing I always have to remind myself is that while he isn’t perfect, I know he’s trying the best he can, just like I am. Sometimes I just expect him to be superman and do it all. It’d be nice if he were! Lol. But let me quit projecting.
Best wishes for a smooth move and a happy new start together!
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